Memory

WARNING: I just glimpsed over what I wrote, and holy crap, this is an emo sounding post. LOL's. This is why I shouldn't write posts at night. I'm going to post this expecting you to just laugh. So enjoy this laugh.

There is a myth that goldfish have a three second memory (although the more likely answer is that they have close to a three month memory span). I was thinking how wonderful that might be (at the same time, how horrifically disappointing of a life that would lead) especially when memories come and demobilize you, especially in the mornings. Have you ever woken up and just wanted to stay in bed not because you were tired (half of you reading this are probably thinking, "I always want to stay in bed in the morning") but because you were dreaming and your dream was so utterly magnificent, that you wanted to just keep your eyes closed so maybe, just maybe, that dream would continue, and you would be able to fall asleep, and be able to finish that dream. I hate that feeling. When I have a good dream, I want it to just go on until it has a good ending. I hate when good dreams end with the sound of an alarm at 6am. I woke up this morning, not remembering the dream that I just had, but I remember that it was a good one. I just laid there in my bed, somewhat bombarded by memories of the past. I just was there for eight min. Demobilized. I'm sorry that I can't go into to much detail as to what these memories are, but I think you probably can guess. I just chalked it up as a normal monday, and the fact that I was still exhausted from the weekend. I got up and started the normal routine.

I don't like being tired at work. It makes it miserable. I suppose it was my fault that I was tired. I really should sleep before 11 when I have work the next day.

I bought cookie dough and cookie dough ice cream. If you are reading this, come over to my place tomorrow, I'll bake you cookie, feed you ice cream, and we can watch a movie (don't worry, my roommates will be there too ;) ) I think that was my little pick me up.

I think it is pretty set, that next year I will be living in a 1/1 during the spring semester. I think that it should work out pretty well. It will be awesome to have a whole kitchen to myself. One day, I am going to learn how to cook lamb, I want to make lobster, I want to grill some fresh salmon. I do like to cook, I'm not very good, not very good at all, but I enjoy it. I just need to be a little bit cleaner in the kitchen. That's what I learned in my cooking class. I learned how to make Chicken Thai Curry. I'm thankful that my church is offering these classes. Just makes me want to cook every day.

Lakers are NBA champs. I was so proud. I had this feeling that they are going to play a lackluster season next year, but then again, Kobe is a competitor who hates losing more than any other basketball player (he threatened to leave LA when they were sucking). Anyway, I'm glad that Lakers won. All other people need to shut up about how they "hate" the Lakers. Its just a game. If you decide to go ballistic about a sporting event, choose the World Cup. That is worth it to really show your true colors. I do realize that racism is a huge problem in the world cup (they chant at the black players "monkey, monkey, monkey" even if they are playing for their country. I saw a interview from Henry, where he explained the racism he faced in the league, how horrible) But soccer is a great game to watch when the whole country (I'm talking about Korea right here) is all glued to the TV.

ok, for the end of this post is going to be a string of words that are going through my head. sort of like stream of conciousness.

love life live death pain agony defeat broken parylized rehab life live death life death life death life over and over every day until the end until the beginning when its over when the battle is over life is battle life is struggle life is choices making the right choices causes the right outcomes I am excited about the right outcomes I think I am making the right choices even though I feel like I am about to explode because I am so confined I feel like I am about to explode I miss Acts I miss my comfort zone I miss being in a place that I know exactly how I am needed I miss just being myself I miss my friends I am missing a lot of things lately I am not angry at God I am just confused as to what He is planning on doing right now I know that I should rely on those around me but I feel like they wont understand I've been trying so hard to open up but I feel like I don't fit in the way that I am supposed to left out left behind out of the loop lunch was fun I am excited about the fall and winter I am excited that I wont be completely alone I just hope that we become better friends because of the trip I am really vulnerable right now I am thinking that if I saw someone that something would happen in leu of me being so vulnerable I feel like my vulnerability is extremely repeat extremely dangerous I really don't know if I want to post my thoughts on this but this is exactly how I am thinking.

I don't remember a lot of things anymore. I'm starting to forget.