Amputation

³⁰And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. - matt 5:30

⁸If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. - matt 18:8

⁴³If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.

⁴⁵And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. -mark 9:43 45

These verses never meant much to me until recently. There have been parts of my life that have caused me to sin. At least they were parts that tempted me or even facilitated the sin. This passage was given to me as a way to reassure that removing the specific part is biblical. Is the hand bad? No. God gives us hands to use. It is once the hand fails to be its God intended purpose that we must amputate it. Do I think that Jesus was being literal when he said cut your off your hands if they cause you to sin? Yeah. But in my case, it is not my hands that I am cutting off. There are times where I look at my life and I think, I don't want to give that up because if I don't have that my life would be so empty. The real question is to ask, is if that something is causing you to sin. That is the real question. I know for some people this can be movies, music, television, friends, video games, boyfriends, girlfriends, and so on and so forth. As for me, who knows. I do know that amputation hurts.

Today, I had a great conversation and time of confession with an older brother from my church. He basically told me that he wants to pray with me, that he wants to help me pray for repentance, and that he would be there for me because that is what the church is for. The church is for people to confess their deep dark secrets. That is the truth. Because it is in the dark that Satan can do some pretty nasty things. The dark is where he loves to prowl. The dark is where he starts lies. Satan hates the light. So that is where I choose to live.

No more backsliding. No more hiding. It is time to live a transparent life. I have come to terms that yes, I am the biggest hypocrite in the church. I know this and I am praying that God will work on it in my heart. I realize that I also am extremely prideful, thinking that my problems are insignificant in comparison to those around me when in fact my problems are just as big and most of the time bigger. I have problems. Lots of them.

The guy I had a conversation with gave me a book, that I hope I will read, that goes through the repentance prayer in parallel to the one that David prays.

So, I know this is a lot of italicized text, but this is my prayer. Psalm 51

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

² Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

⁶ Surely you desire truth in the inner parts ^a]">[a] ;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

⁹ Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

¹⁴ Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

¹⁸ In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

¹⁹ Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.