New Job

I got a job at the Law Offices of Richard Pena. It's a pretty sweet job. I do the small odd jobs around the place, but pretty much, I just wait until someone tells me to do something, like fix the printer or the copier. I know it may not be the most glamorous job, and is kind of boring for the most part, it's a nice feeling when people see you as the guy who does everything faster. For example, today, the secretary needed to redo the entire email contact list for the entire office, and I offered to help her. She told me that she was working on it for a long time, and expected to still be working on it for a while. I told her I would work on it, and she gave me the notion that even with my help, it wouldn't be done for at least a few weeks. She wanted to manually input every single email address into the system. 

After about an hour of finding the contacts on the computer, making it a .csv file in excel, and then importing it into the boss' computer, the job was done. The secretary, Anita, was a bit shocked, but very pleasantly surprised. She just exclaimed "Wow, you are lightning fast"

I know my job is super menial, and that I have nothing to do with the actual workings of this firm, but it felt nice. And, the boss found out how quick I did it, and he was impressed. Day 3 on the job, and I think I'm making a good impression.

Day 1: fixed a printer by plugging the cable in 

Day 2: didn't really do much....

Day 3: saved the secretary many hours of labor by using excel. 

I hope to have fun this summer

Stages of Life

Gimme Phase:
When we are born into this world, we are constantly crying for attention and love. We need food so we cry, we need a hug so we cry, we need clean clothes so we cry. When a parent looks down at their child, do they think to themselves "what a horrible child, all they do is ask for their needs, what about my needs?!" No. They think to themselves what a beautiful child I have, and they are going to grow up to be a wonderful son/daughter.
When this becomes a problem:
When the child is no longer a child, and they still want their diaper to be changed. Imagine a 28 year old man wanting his mother to feed him. Something is wrong with that picture.

Use Me Phase:
Put me in the game coach! This is the part of life where we want to be in the spot light. We want to cash in our luck.  We want to be noticed! That girl across the hall, that just seems to be the most beautiful person in the world, we want her to notice us! It is not to be confused with the gimme phase, because it is no longer asking to be provided for, but it is asking to be used so that we can be noticed.
When this becomes a problem:
If the person is not ready for the spotlight, they will either get embarrassed with their confidence completely lost, or they will become prideful and arrogant.

Show Me Phase:
I want to know what is wrong with me so that I can fix it. I want to know the answer. I want to know what to do so I can do it. I want to know it all.
When this becomes a problem:
Knowing does not always transfer into doing. You can know that volunteering is a good thing, but never do it. You can know about the poverty in different countries but have no compassion.

I Surrender Phase:
No matter what happens in life, it is in God's control. No matter what the situation. No matter what the cause. No matter. God has it under control. You become His servant, and He takes care of you. He will give to you, He will use you, and He will show you, but on one condition; that it is all under His supervision and timing.


Being selfish is not wrong, when you are a child.
Being wanted to be used is not wrong, when the coach puts you in the game.
Having desire to know things is not wrong, when a teacher teaches you.

Recently, I've been in three of the four phases. I've been selfish, wanting God to give me everything that I could possible want. I've been wanting to be used in my church/school/work so that I can be noticed and applauded. I've wanted God to show we the mysteries of Him and the wonders of the world so that I could boast and say how "spiritually mature" I've gotten.

I now need to stop, and surrender it all. Nothing in this world can make me happy, except God. Not even a wonderful girlfriend can keep me happy, if God is not in the relationship.

6 & 7: what i need to talk to God about.

asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. -Col 1:9

1. ask God to fill me with the knowledge of His will

pray this in order than you may live a life worth of the Lord and may please Him in every way- 1:10

2. ask God to help me please Him in EVERY way.

bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 1:11-12

3. I want to bear good fruit.
4. I want to grow in knowledge of God
5. I want to be strengthened
6. I want endurance
7. I want patience
8. I want to joyfully give to the Father.

I get to talk to God. I get to spend time with Him. If amazing things aren't happening in my life, whats the point of talking to Him? I'm pretty lonely without Him.... I'm pretty lonely right now. Time to spend some time on my knees.

What good is reading the Bible if it doesn't have the Spirit. It is like reading a text book.

5: ehhhhhhhh

there is a time for everything.
there is nothing new under the sun.

i feel tired and weak.
people are having a party outside my window.

i had a dream about hobos.
i am too tired to think.

goodnight.

4: Sin, Faith, Duty

Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. -Luke 17:1

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. -Luke 17:3

Would he say to the servant when he comes from the field, "come along now and sit down to eat"? Would he not rather say, "prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and rink"? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? -Luke 17:7-9 

 

I need to check that I am not a stumbling block to other people.

I need to start rebuking my brothers who are sinning in love.

When God asks me to do something, I need to have the attitude that I am His servant. It is of higher priority that God is glorified, and after He is glorified, that is when I am filled. God isn't just going to call me down to sit and eat. I'm His servant. I am supposed to serve before I eat.

Sin is at my doorstep.
God will give me faith to move mountains.
It is my duty to do what He tells me.

I am an unworthy servant.

3: Bill Gates

I remember when I was a kid (I'm still a kid) I always attributed great wealth with Bill Gates. Heck, I still do that now. He's one rich dude. I remember even as a kid I wondered what it would have been like to be Bill Gates' son. Do you remember the movie "Richie Rich"? I do, and it really made me wonder what it would be like to have everything I could ever want.

Bill Gates has a lot of money. That's it. He can't protect me from death and he can't do anything about the misfortunes in my life except to throw some money at it. There is only so much power in a crap load of money.

When I read what Jesus says, I am constantly reminded that Jesus said crazy things like "Give to everyone who asks you" and "if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back" (Luke 6:30).

I understood this passage today, as if Jesus was telling me

Jeremy. We have a Father who can do the impossible. Not only can He do the impossible but He can do the possible. You just have to let Him. Don't worry if the people around you are trying to take advantage of you. In fact! Let them take advantage of you. Let them hate you. Just remember that God is rich, that God is power, that God will save you. Even the most powerful, even the most rich, and even the most influential people in the world are no match for the power of God. Pray for your enemies. Let them curse you. I got your back. God's got your back. We love you, so don't let the things of this world tear you down.

I surrender all. All to Jesus. My loving Savior. All to Him I freely give.

woot woot!

2: Starting Fresh

The smell must have been unbearable. 

The rotten gruel on his coat would never come out. 

The walk back home must have been embarrassing and demoralizing. 

He must have thought to himself, "Dad's going to be so angry when he sees me. What am I going to do?"

I wonder if he even still had shoes to walk the dirt path home.

God, he was a mess. 

He wasted his life doing the things that he wanted to do.

I wouldn't want to be around someone of such low character,

let alone someone who smelled like that.

The disgusting image of this son is highly contrasted to the love of his father, who at the first sight of his son, ran to him.

"Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."

"QUICK! Bring the best robe and put it on him."

Is this for real? Why did Jesus choose to tell this story of this son who chose to take his inheritance and leave the family?

I relate to this guy though... sometimes I just feel so discouraged with things with the family of Christ, that I just want to cut my losses and leave. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be under the "house rules" and I could just live the way that I want. The thought, "it would be nice to be free" comes to mind.

I am reminded that the world produces the fruit similar to what this son had to go through: the bottom of a pigs feeding trough. 

So God. I'm here. Dirty, smelly, and just completely unacceptable to be in your house. I'll walk to your house, ready to tell you that I have sinned against you. I'm ready to tell you that I am not worthy to be called your son. Just take me in, as a slave or a servant.

Are you going to run to me?

Are you going to wrap your arms around me?

Are you going to clothe me in new robes?

Even if you don't. I'm sorry for leaving in the first place.

1: Slave to Pleasure

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  -Matthew 6:19-21

I had a dream last night, a dream that I just vaguely remember even though I woke up only minutes ago, that had one person talk to me. It was a heated discussion, possibly a fight, but I knew that the other person did not care about me at all. This person was explaining to me why they hated me.
I've been having similar dreams for the past few days, with various people, including various pastors, tell me how they outright hate me. Their words pierced my heart, and although it was a dream, I could feel the weight of their words.

I am a slave to pleasure. I store up for myself treasures on earth, in the form of human relationships and physical enjoyment. My mind is more focused on "fellowship" with people, hoping that the relationship formed would provide me with some lasting purpose. I am a slave to relationships. I want to feel good also. I want to eat the best kind of food, go to the most amazing places, have the most fun. What an exhilaration thing it is to do all the things you want to do, buy all the things that you want to buy, and just be who you want to be. I want to look good for me. I want to look good for you. I want you to want me. I am a slave to physical pleasure.

I have not been a slave for Christ. Simply stated, the fruit of my life show no chains attached to Him. Although I do believe that those chains still exist, I have been attaching myself to the things of this word. It is as if my chains to Christ have been pulling me closer to him, but I have decidedly attached myself to the chains of this world. My body is about to rip into two. Christ is pulling at me too hard. I am coming to a point, where I have to decide, if I am going to loosen the chains of Christ, or loosen my grip on this world.

I choose Christ.

The most exciting thing about following Christ, which I am wholeheartedly anticipating, is that He does all the work. This will be the most daunting task in fact, because I have been conditioned by the world that things are in my control, so when the time arises when Christ tells me to "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" I interpret it as; I can not be righteous. I don't know how to "seek first the kingdom." But Christ can make me righteous. Christ will bring down the Kingdom. Then I will experience all the amazing things that God has created.

My grip is too tight on this world. I pray today, that Christ comes down and loosens these chains.

Stubborn

My blood boils, my eyes roll, and only one things goes through my mind: "What the freak are they thinking?"


I am always right. I am never wrong. They are dumb. I am smart.


How can someone be so irrational and illogical.




This is how I think occasionally when I am in a fight with someone. Usually the more I care about a person, the more frustrated I get in my speech. I need to stop thinking like this. I need to turn the page, and realize that even if I am right, even if I am being logical, even if I have full understanding, that I still am not perfect. It is not possible for me to be completely correct about a situation. If you disagree with me, I am going to take a step back, and not think about who is right or who is wrong, but try to see it from your perspective regardless of how I feel. It isn't about me looking smarter or better then the other people in the room, it is about me showing courtesy to those I interact with. I am very negative and critical because I think that I am right, and more insightful than the people around me. It is a huge flaw of mine, and something that is quite frankly hard to admit. I am sorry to all of you who I have hurt because of my stubborn attitude and my prideful heart.


It is a time to look back at how foolish I have been, and pray that I will learn how to be quick to listen in the future.


I really am sorry.

Pot Roast

Trim off the fat, rub in flour and garlic salt, soak in cream of mushroom and beef broth, add onion soup mix (and red wine if you have it), slow cook on high for 4 hours, slow cook on low for 6 hours, add vegetables 2 hours before end of 6 hours, and eat.

I had fun this time. It was the first time I deliberately strayed away from the recipe because I had tried the recipe before and thought that I could improve on it. The thing I love about slow cookers is that the meat always becomes tender can be torn apart with just a fork. The flavors are able to soak inside the meat for hours and the room in which you are cooking is soaked inside the smell for hours. 

To top it off, the best part about this pot roast wasn't even the pot roast itself. The best part about food is having people to enjoy it with. I didn't know that this specific Wednesday was going to be a rainy day, but that is how it turned out. So as the sound of thunder rolled in the background, I was able to have a (unromantic, but comfortingly friendly) dinner with my girlfriend. We both felt pretty bloated after eating so much and just sat there watching TV. 

Having no roommates gives me this desire to eat with people. It is acceptable to eat food alone, but it is not acceptable to eat a meal alone. There is nothing more depressing than eating a feast all alone.

How do you know God wont use it?

I've recently been feeling defeated at small group. It isn't necessarily in the worst of ways, but sometimes you just feel defeated, and that is just a part of life. The reasons why I feel the way I do is because of the simple phrase

"How do you know God wont use it/them/the situation/the opportunity?"

For those of you in the Christian community, most likely this phrase has come up at least in one discussion of ANYTHING. But for those of you who are scratching your heads, I'll give an example situation.

1: Why is John on praise team? Is he even a Christian?
2: What is wrong with John being on praise team?
1: Oh, its not that something is wrong, I'm just questioning if he is able to lead in the church at this stage in his life. I mean, I'm not even sure if he is a Christian.
2: But no one can really know if you are a Christian, so that shouldn't matter.
1: I don't feel like he is mature enough.
2: How do you know God won't use him?
1: .................
2: Just let God do it. And stop complaining.

I know that this is a very controversial topic, and I'm not trying to use this to prove my side, I just feel so unheard and just defeated, that I had to let it out in some form of communication.

I'm talking about giving God your 100%. I'm talking about making sure that you are doing everything in your power to give God the best. The best, the thing that you used all your resources to make perfect. God doesn't want our scraps, he wants our first fruit. He wants us to be willing to give our first born if he asked us. He doesn't want us to hold too tightly on the things we love. He wants us to work hard.

With that being said, we cannot achieve 100% in God's standard. AND THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY. God will make up for our failure. THIS is where the problem started. Now a days people know that God makes up for our failure. So what do we do? We give God our seconds expecting Him to make it whole, when in fact we need to give God our whole and He will make it perfect.

How does this have anything to do with the question? When we ask this question, it usually as an excuse of someone's criticism. I know that people have moved toward a more "non-critiquing" church, but if something is going obviously awry, we are to support each other, and sometimes it is uncomfortable.

It is true. Yes God can use the situation, the person, it, and whatever. But are we saying that God can use them, because we are being lazy, selfish, or just downright irresponsible to give God our best? I don't want God to become this thing that allows us to be a lazy church. Here is my version of an exaggerated situation. And I mean VERY exaggerated.

1: Hey, why does your church have no worship team?
2: Because no one wants to do it.
1: But there are so many people who can play instruments.
2: God will provide the right people at the right time. And anyways, how do you know God can't use the situation?
1: A worshipless church?
2: Stop being so negative.

Maybe I didn't make any sense. But I just don't like excuses. If you are saying "How do you know God wont use it" not as an excuse, then I'm really fine with that.

I had a poster in my room when I was a kid, and it said

"Give God your best, and He will do the rest"

I really suck at being consistent with a blog. :(

Lasagna

It was 2 AM and I was filling my cozy apartment with smells of ground beef and italian sausages. I couldn't sleep because the smell was just too intense.

I stayed up late because, today I am going to make a lasagna from scratch (minus the lasagna noodles which I store bought, but one of these days I'm going to make my own noodles) and I wanted to get a head start on the meat sauce. No Prego, no Ragu, but straight up homemade red meat sauce.

A few friends, plus the girlfriend, are coming over tonight to experience my very first lasagna. I think this is going to be a ritualistic Wednesday dinner party, but you know how these things go. You say you want to have dinner home cooked every Wednesday, and it turns out to only be once a month. Even if that is the case, I'll keep you updated with all the things that I created.

I'm BaaaaAAAcckkk

Although I leave my blog about my adventures in Korea completely unfinished, I have decided to return to the internet. I know that there are some of you thinking a) awesome! b) I don't even know who this guy is, but I'm happy that he decided to return to the internet c) I didn't care about your blog before, and I definitely don't care about it now, but I still read it every day because it is in my RSS feed and I am too lazy to remove it from there.

So whichever person you are on the list, I'm back.

In case you haven't been reading my blog while I was in Korea, there have been a few things that have changed over the past half year that you might want a recap on.

1. I have a girlfriend. It really is no big deal, and I am definitely not trying to make it one, but it's just the biggest thing that really has happened to me during the half year I was gone.
2. I have my own place. I plan on cooking as much as possible. I think I have a Wednesday night dinner party thing going on where I am going to cook for friends every Wednesday, but like any good idea, it takes much more energy and time to actually follow through.
3. I am taking the LSAT's in the near future. 
4. I enjoy listening to Korean music, to an extent that I would have never thought that I would. If you told me that I would be listening to this much Korean music half a year ago, I would have wanted to punch the future me. :(
5. I can touch my toes. This was a six inch journey that my body was able to conquer. 6 months gave me the time to reach 6 inches farther down.

Not much new has happened, as you can see, but the beauty of life is that although not much might seem to be happening, God is constantly working in the background, orchestrating the most amazing work of art.

I'm back.