Stubborn

My blood boils, my eyes roll, and only one things goes through my mind: "What the freak are they thinking?"


I am always right. I am never wrong. They are dumb. I am smart.


How can someone be so irrational and illogical.




This is how I think occasionally when I am in a fight with someone. Usually the more I care about a person, the more frustrated I get in my speech. I need to stop thinking like this. I need to turn the page, and realize that even if I am right, even if I am being logical, even if I have full understanding, that I still am not perfect. It is not possible for me to be completely correct about a situation. If you disagree with me, I am going to take a step back, and not think about who is right or who is wrong, but try to see it from your perspective regardless of how I feel. It isn't about me looking smarter or better then the other people in the room, it is about me showing courtesy to those I interact with. I am very negative and critical because I think that I am right, and more insightful than the people around me. It is a huge flaw of mine, and something that is quite frankly hard to admit. I am sorry to all of you who I have hurt because of my stubborn attitude and my prideful heart.


It is a time to look back at how foolish I have been, and pray that I will learn how to be quick to listen in the future.


I really am sorry.

Pot Roast

Trim off the fat, rub in flour and garlic salt, soak in cream of mushroom and beef broth, add onion soup mix (and red wine if you have it), slow cook on high for 4 hours, slow cook on low for 6 hours, add vegetables 2 hours before end of 6 hours, and eat.

I had fun this time. It was the first time I deliberately strayed away from the recipe because I had tried the recipe before and thought that I could improve on it. The thing I love about slow cookers is that the meat always becomes tender can be torn apart with just a fork. The flavors are able to soak inside the meat for hours and the room in which you are cooking is soaked inside the smell for hours. 

To top it off, the best part about this pot roast wasn't even the pot roast itself. The best part about food is having people to enjoy it with. I didn't know that this specific Wednesday was going to be a rainy day, but that is how it turned out. So as the sound of thunder rolled in the background, I was able to have a (unromantic, but comfortingly friendly) dinner with my girlfriend. We both felt pretty bloated after eating so much and just sat there watching TV. 

Having no roommates gives me this desire to eat with people. It is acceptable to eat food alone, but it is not acceptable to eat a meal alone. There is nothing more depressing than eating a feast all alone.

How do you know God wont use it?

I've recently been feeling defeated at small group. It isn't necessarily in the worst of ways, but sometimes you just feel defeated, and that is just a part of life. The reasons why I feel the way I do is because of the simple phrase

"How do you know God wont use it/them/the situation/the opportunity?"

For those of you in the Christian community, most likely this phrase has come up at least in one discussion of ANYTHING. But for those of you who are scratching your heads, I'll give an example situation.

1: Why is John on praise team? Is he even a Christian?
2: What is wrong with John being on praise team?
1: Oh, its not that something is wrong, I'm just questioning if he is able to lead in the church at this stage in his life. I mean, I'm not even sure if he is a Christian.
2: But no one can really know if you are a Christian, so that shouldn't matter.
1: I don't feel like he is mature enough.
2: How do you know God won't use him?
1: .................
2: Just let God do it. And stop complaining.

I know that this is a very controversial topic, and I'm not trying to use this to prove my side, I just feel so unheard and just defeated, that I had to let it out in some form of communication.

I'm talking about giving God your 100%. I'm talking about making sure that you are doing everything in your power to give God the best. The best, the thing that you used all your resources to make perfect. God doesn't want our scraps, he wants our first fruit. He wants us to be willing to give our first born if he asked us. He doesn't want us to hold too tightly on the things we love. He wants us to work hard.

With that being said, we cannot achieve 100% in God's standard. AND THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY. God will make up for our failure. THIS is where the problem started. Now a days people know that God makes up for our failure. So what do we do? We give God our seconds expecting Him to make it whole, when in fact we need to give God our whole and He will make it perfect.

How does this have anything to do with the question? When we ask this question, it usually as an excuse of someone's criticism. I know that people have moved toward a more "non-critiquing" church, but if something is going obviously awry, we are to support each other, and sometimes it is uncomfortable.

It is true. Yes God can use the situation, the person, it, and whatever. But are we saying that God can use them, because we are being lazy, selfish, or just downright irresponsible to give God our best? I don't want God to become this thing that allows us to be a lazy church. Here is my version of an exaggerated situation. And I mean VERY exaggerated.

1: Hey, why does your church have no worship team?
2: Because no one wants to do it.
1: But there are so many people who can play instruments.
2: God will provide the right people at the right time. And anyways, how do you know God can't use the situation?
1: A worshipless church?
2: Stop being so negative.

Maybe I didn't make any sense. But I just don't like excuses. If you are saying "How do you know God wont use it" not as an excuse, then I'm really fine with that.

I had a poster in my room when I was a kid, and it said

"Give God your best, and He will do the rest"

I really suck at being consistent with a blog. :(