The Loss of a Friend

I just finished an hour and half conversation with one of my roommates. Thank God for them. Seriously, because I was going in a hysterical fit, and I most definitely needed someone to calm me down. I find myself very calm at this moment.

I lost a friend tonight. Not to cancer, not to illness, not to distance, not to death, not to misunderstanding, not to a single event, but rather, a series of unfortunate events.

I lost a friend, not because I did something wrong, not because they did something wrong, but because we were just not meant to be friends. I can barely type that sentence without cringing as to how utterly horrible that sounds. We were not meant to be friends.

I lost a friend because it simply was not meant to be. I've never had someone tell me this so calmly and coldly as someone did tonight. I'm sure for those of you who know me in the flesh, can guess on the first try as to who I am speaking of, and you are probably right. This person and I have had our shares of problems since freshman and sophomore year, we have had our disagreements, we have even had our good times, but all in all, it was a friendship that I still cherish, even though it is all done and over with.

I've never had someone tell me that they no longer wanted to be friends because "who you are" and "who I am" just "will never work out".

It almost sounds like a break up. A very very very harsh break up.

That is how I treated it. I paced my apartment, grunting, making sounds, saying words that I shouldn't have said, flailing my arms in apprehension, wanting somehow to let off the steam that was building up in my chest.

Thankfully, my chest didn't explode, but slowly released the pressure, over a hour and a half conversation.

I lost a friend tonight. I'm not very happy about it. I think I understand it a little better as to why I lost a friend tonight.

If this post sounds emo, it is. I am emotional after losing a close friend of mine, deal with it.


I'm not perfect, I'm sure that I've hurt someone just as much as someone hurt me tonight. Tonight opened my eyes to a lot of things. Just know that I too, am learning